I was talking to a client this week who was struggling big time with his energy. He was constantly getting to the end of his workday completely exhausted - leaving nothing in the tank for him to spend time with and connect deeply with his family when he got home.
It was becoming an issue because his children were growing up and he was worried that he was missing out on important quality time with them. He simply didn’t have the energy when he got home to be completely present - and family is one of his highest values.
His career path, his role and the company he works for isn’t the issue that needs to be addressed here - he feels incredibly rewarded and fulfilled in the work that he does.
This is an issue of self-awareness, self-worth and an inability to set boundaries with his team.
I’ll address self-awareness first.
The reality is that no two people in this world are the same. Everyone has different needs, different wants, different drivers and different belief systems. Some people thrive being around others and feel super energised collaborating and bouncing ideas off others. Other people, such as my client, get depleted and tired in these environments and need their own space alone to think and to recharge their batteries.
My client was trying to be all things to all people. He was making himself available all the time for his team and never building in his own time to be alone, to think strategically and most importantly to recharge his batteries.
With an awareness of his own unique personality style and an understanding of what he needs to perform at his best - he’ll be able to much better manage his energy to ensure that he doesn’t get to the end of every day completely wiped.
Now, self-worth and setting boundaries go hand in hand. He actually acknowledged to me that’s knows that he struggles to set boundaries with his team, but he’s worried that he will offend them or get them offside if he does.
So instead he allows himself, his time and his day to be dictated to by whatever his team need of him. Whenever someone struggles to set boundaries with others to the detriment of themselves - this suggests an underlying lack of self-worth.
They are essentially unconsciously saying to themselves “other people’s time and priorities are more important than my own time, my own priorities and my own energy”. Which is why he feels tired all the time - because he doesn’t believe he deserves to create the time and space he needs to perform at his best and have energy left over for his family.
Though it may be uncomfortable at first, setting boundaries with his team, actually scheduling time with them to work through their projects and priorities (as opposed to them having access to him at all times) and making sure his energy is always being appropriately managed throughout the day is what’s needed to ensure he can perform like a rock star at work and connect properly with his family when he gets home.
Hope this helps.
Josh “Energy Saver” Stone
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